“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze” --Isaiah 43:2
I think sometimes I feel more like Shedrack, Meshack and Abendigo than anyone I know!! In the past ten years, I have experienced two house fires. Each time there was a painful loss, each time a
re-building process...each time, a sense of recovery. Each time, God was with us, and brought us through successfully.
A few days ago, On April 1st, my mothers home burned down as well. Fire number three.
This one struck me particularly hard. Not only because mom was always classy and beautiful, but she collected beautiful expensive things, and cherished them, and kept them in great condition. Her home was always neat, pristine, and orderly. It was hard enough for me to accept her having the stroke that paralyzed her, but to know that she also lost all of her valued possessions that she worked so hard to keep nice. As my dad dragged her out through the fire, she begged to be left in the house as it burned. That's how much she loved her home.That's a little over the top...but I cant say I dont understand her...
First she lost her bodily functions, her independance, her hair...now all the jewelry, beautiful clothes, attic full of decorations, family pictures and photo albums, videos, trinkets and china, tables and chairs, freshly painted basement walls, new roof installed that year, her hospital bed, walker, clothes, shoes, everything, she had collected for over 30+ years...Gone in a matter of hours. Now, I am praying that this next chapter will be the time of complete and total 'restoration'-like the leper who lost limbs, and through healing, even those were restored as new to his body!!
I admit: This is painful for me as well, even as someone who knows that you shouldnt place a high value on possessions... because I felt that that her home was my home away from home, and a place I could retreat to in times of conflict, and/or desperation. I hate knowing that I lost what I considered a 'sanctuary'. As her only child, the house represented us. My kids and I were on every wall.
I have repeatedly been wondering what God is trying to teach me in all this. Why each time I finally feel a tiny bit secure...it seems I lose something else. Our cars, our homes, our business. I am obviously being taught not to hold on to temporal, earthly things...and whenever I put too much value on any one thing, apart from Him...I lose it. He wants to be my sanctuary...my place of retreat and rest. Every other building I valued has turned to ash. Why he wants to teach me this lesson, I am not sure... I have seen other Chritians who have kept thier homes for years, cars. etc. But I am sure that He will reveal that too in His own time. I value every lesson as an opportunity for growth.
I praise God that my mom is alive, though, nothing can replace her life. Yes, I know that God keeps and covers her, but that doesn’t stop me from the feeling the excruciating sense of loss.
Yes, I KNOW they are just material things, but I grieve them just the same. I grieve that as the kids get older, we cant show them the pictures from when they were tiny. We cant show them thier home videos where Gerald crawled for the first time, and I caught it on camera. The hand sewn blanket my beloved grandmother made for my mother when I was young, and sewed dozens of dollar bills on it as a gift. It was beautiful, and purple,...mom's favorite color. She still slept with it.
I wanted to be able to show my grandkids the pictures of their great-great-grandfather, the one time I ever got to see him in Canada
After my first housefire, I had a woman tell me 'You must not have faith, or be a true Christian, because you CRIED when your home burned down. You are supposed to walk in JOY" That is just weird 'spooky' Christianity..to smile after a fire? I dont think so....I think THAT would be unnatural!
I am human like everyone else. I suffer loss, I grieve. Jesus cried many times...even for Lazarus, whom he KNEW that he would raise from the dead! Loss has the power to move you whether you are a Christian or not. Even when you KNOW the God is with you, and will restore.
Each life experience is a lesson. I can truly say that I have been through many fires...and God has used them to purge, cleanse, strengthen, and make me loosen my hold on earthly treasures.
(Um, Okay, Lord. I got it!! lol... No more, pretty please, no more loss...)
On the other hand: this could also be Satan's way of trying to derail me from my mission, and throw setbacks in our path...but I try not to ever give him too much credit.~ I just remember John 9:1-3: "As Jesus went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” said Jesus,
“Neither this man nor his parents sinned,”“but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life." Jesus healed that blind man, and God got all the glory.
See..Many people automatically assume when you go through hardship that it is something you did wrong, or you must have 'deserved it'. This is ignorant, judgemental thinking. They even thought that way about Jesus as he was being nailed to the cross....not realizing that he was assuring thier very salvation!
So, Please pray with and for me...and dont judge me...because I may feel occassional sadness and need encouragement through the next few days or weeks. But God is still good, and I still know that He is with me...even throug the midst it all. I am believing that everything that is happening to us will all eventually lead to His Glory!!
I know and believe that...' all things work together for the good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.'
And I am no longer afraid of the fire....
Daniel 3:27: “...They saw that the fire had not harmed their bodies, nor was a hair of their heads singed; their robes were not scorched, and there was no smell of fire on them.
Selah!
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