FORGIVE...AND FORGET?!?!

~Find it hard to 'Forgive and Forget'? ~

"Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future."-- Lewis B. Smedes.

I have heard people say often "I can forgive, but I CANT ever forget." And of course, no we cant erase memories, and/or re-write history...we cant pretend it never happened, nor ignore the pain it caused. But once we change the definition of forgiveness to understand that it does not mean that what the person did was 'okay'..but that it is for ourselves to be able to; 1) Move forward into our Purpose, (1 Pet 1:2-3)  2) get forgiveness for our own sins in return (Matt 6:14)  3) set aside and 'forget' the need to get revenge or retaliate against the person, and allow God to handle them (Rom 12:19)... forgiveness will then be easier to give...and receive.

Why should we do this? Sometimes it feels better to be angry at the person!  It gives us a sense of satisfaction, and entitlement to nuture hate for them in our heart.  But reseach has shown that bitterness and malice eventaully can manifest themselves into cancers and stress-related illnesses. In other words, your bitterness staarts to eat at YOU from this inside out! I read a great book about forgiveness recently. It was called "Total Forgiveness" By R.T. Kendall, and it talks about what forgiveness IS, and what it isnt, but I learned that forgiveness is more for the giver than for the receiver, and will allow you to move forward into the future without allowing it to affect the NEXT generation!!

But the real question is: are you really ready to let go?!?  

Just Passing Through....

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze” --Isaiah 43:2

I think sometimes I feel more like Shedrack, Meshack and Abendigo than anyone I know!!  In the past ten years, I have experienced two house fires. Each time there was a painful loss, each time a
re-building process...each time, a sense of recovery. Each time, God was with us, and brought us through successfully.

A few days ago, On April 1st, my mothers home burned down as well. Fire number three. 

This one struck me particularly hard. Not only because mom was always classy and beautiful, but she collected beautiful expensive things, and cherished them, and kept them in great condition. Her home was always neat, pristine, and orderly. It was hard enough for me to accept her having the stroke that paralyzed her, but to know that she also lost all of her valued possessions that she worked so hard to keep nice.  As my dad dragged her out through the fire, she begged to be left in the house as it burned. That's how much she loved her home.That's a little over the top...but I cant say I dont understand her...

First she lost her bodily functions, her independance, her hair...now all the jewelry, beautiful clothes, attic full of decorations, family pictures and photo albums, videos, trinkets and china, tables and chairs, freshly painted basement walls, new roof installed that year, her hospital bed, walker, clothes, shoes, everything, she had collected for over 30+ years...Gone in a matter of hours. Now, I am praying that this next chapter will be the time of complete and total 'restoration'-like the leper who lost limbs, and through healing, even those were restored as new to his body!! 

I admit: This is painful for me as well, even as someone who knows that you shouldnt place a high value on possessions... because I felt that that her home was my home away from home, and a place I could retreat to in times of conflict, and/or desperation. I hate knowing that I lost what I considered a 'sanctuary'. As her only child, the house represented us. My kids and I were on every wall.

I have repeatedly been wondering what God is trying to teach me in all this. Why each time I finally feel a tiny bit secure...it seems I lose something else. Our cars, our homes, our business.  I am obviously being taught not to hold on to temporal, earthly things...and whenever I put too much value on any one thing, apart from Him...I lose it. He wants to be my sanctuary...my place of retreat and rest. Every other building I valued has turned to ash. Why he wants to teach me this lesson, I am not sure... I have seen other Chritians who have kept thier homes for years, cars. etc. But I am sure that He will reveal that too in His own time. I value every lesson as an opportunity for growth.

I praise God that my mom is alive, though, nothing can replace her life. Yes, I know that God keeps and covers her, but that doesn’t stop me from the feeling the excruciating sense of loss.

Yes, I KNOW they are just material things, but I grieve them just the same.  I grieve that as the kids get older, we cant show them the pictures from when they were tiny. We cant show them thier home videos where Gerald crawled for the first time, and I caught it on camera. The hand sewn blanket my beloved grandmother made for my mother when I was young, and sewed dozens of dollar bills on it as a gift. It was beautiful, and purple,...mom's favorite color. She still slept with it. 

I wanted to be able to show my grandkids the pictures of their great-great-grandfather, the one time I ever got to see him in Canada. Now, I can only discuss the memory of those things.  Some things, like family photos, cannot be replaced. You can make new and better memories, and take new photos..but I think there is something really special about capturing your good times on film, and showing them to your children, and childrens children later on. My 20 year old son's baby bed was even there. I would have loved to give it to him for his firstborn.

After my first housefire, I had a woman tell me 'You must not have faith, or be a true Christian, because you CRIED when your home burned down. You are supposed to walk in JOY" That is just weird 'spooky' Christianity..to smile after a fire? I dont think so....I think THAT would be unnatural!

I am human like everyone else. I suffer loss, I grieve. Jesus cried many times...even for Lazarus, whom he KNEW that he would raise from the dead! Loss has the power to move you whether you are a Christian or not.  Even when you KNOW the God is with you, and will restore. 

Each life experience is a lesson. I can truly say that I have been through many fires...and God has used them to purge, cleanse, strengthen, and make me loosen my hold on earthly treasures. 

(Um, Okay, Lord. I got it!! lol... No more, pretty please, no more loss...)

On the other hand: this could also be Satan's way of trying to derail me from my mission, and throw setbacks in our path...but I try not to ever give him too much credit.~ I just remember John 9:1-3: "As Jesus went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” said Jesus,

“Neither this man nor his parents sinned,”“but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life." Jesus healed that blind man, and God got all the glory. 

See..Many people automatically assume when you go through hardship that it is something you did wrong, or you must have 'deserved it'. This is ignorant, judgemental thinking. They even thought that way about Jesus as he was being nailed to the cross....not realizing that he was assuring thier very salvation!

So, Please pray with and for me...and dont judge me...because I may feel occassional sadness and need encouragement through the next few days or weeks. But God is still good, and I still know that He is with me...even throug the midst it all. I am believing that everything that is happening to us will all eventually lead to His Glory!!

I know and believe that...' all things work together for the good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.'

And I am no longer afraid of the fire....

  

Daniel 3:27: “...They saw that the fire had not harmed their bodies, nor was a hair of their heads singed; their robes were not scorched, and there was no smell of fire on them.

 

Selah!

TRIALS...or TEMPTATIONS?!?!

Why do you think that just because you have God in your life that things will be easy?

John 16:33 says, "In this world you will have trouble...but take heart; I have overcome the world."

Notice that He did not say that we MIGHT have trouble in this world, but instead, He specifically says that we WILL have trouble. Yes, you will still ...go through trials and persecutions: It is guaranteed!! And PLEASE stop mis-quoting scripture by saying "God wont give us more than we can handle." That is not what the bible says!! 1 Cor 10:13-15 13~ 'No temptation has overtaken you except such as is COMMON to man (its nothing new); but God is faithful, who will not ALLOW YOU TO BE TEMPTED beyond what you are able, BUT with that temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.' So get it right: Yes you WILL go through things, you WILL be tempted and but God WILL make a way OUT...but the REAL question you need to honestly ask yourself is: do you really want to take the 'escape'...or are you enjoying the tempations, and everything that come with them? Hmmm...

God wants to remove all 'burdens' and 'yokes' from your life...but guess what I learned: many people dont want Him to!!! Yes, He'll free you...but some people are HAPPIER being enslaved!! He gives you an open door, but you wont walk through it. Then when life gets hard, you get mad & blame HIM.

...But when YOU CHOOSE to speed along a collision course, despite every Flashing Warning sign you see...Crashing is inevitable!

Do you build up...or tear down?!?!

"A wise woman (or girl) builds her house...but a foolish one tears hers down with her own hands."--Proverbs 14:1.

What type of future/legacy are you building for yourself and the generations after you? Are you being a wise woman and setting yourself and your family up for success--or are your decisions causing setbacks? Too many times I have seen women allow 'emotion' to dictate their next move.  Even young girls are refusing to decide early what type of career to pursue, and what type of partner would best help them achieve thier goals, and compliment thier purpose. They are more concerned about finding someone 'cute'. Honey, cute doesnt pay the bills in the long run!

We dont realize that they are the 'EZER KENEGDO' that God sent to man, to be translated the literal 'Lifesaver in times of desperate need, parrallel/face-to-face to meet his needs' -but that is instead loosely translated 'helpmeet'. If only we could comprehend that all of the decisions that we make have far reaching and long-term consequences, that will forever impact the future: we would stop being FOOLISH...and start thinking before we act!!!

What is YOUR Vision!?!

Someone once asked Helen Keller, what was worse than being born blind. Her response? "Having sight, but no Vision". The bible says "Without Vision, the people perish." Pro. 29:18~ So, What is your Vision? Do you see beyond the here and now? Start developing the Vision for your life...even a blind person can 'see' that its important!

Are you a KNOW-It-ALL?

"Be a student. Stay open and willing to learn from everyone and anyone. Being a student means you have room for new input. When you are green you grow, when you are ripe you rot. By staying green you will avoid the curse of being an expert. When you know in your heart that every single person you encounter in your lifetime has something to teach you, you are able to utilize their offerings in a profound way".
-- Dr Wayne W Dyer

Have you ever met someone who thinks they just know EVERYTHING?!! You cant tell them anything because they just have all the answers. Even when nobody is asking any questions.

I call these folks "Porcupines", because they have a lot of strong points, and nobody wants to be around them. They give advice when not asked, tell you how you should run your family, life, finances, and business, and they don't even have a successful life themselves. They talk about alot of nothing. I know a few of these people, and stay as far away from them as possible. Not that they arent really good people, and I'm sure they have the best intentions...but in order to be able to instruct others, you need to be a 'LIVING' testimony of the effects of your teachings. So live your life, and allow others to see the fruits. Then, when people ask you about how you are doing this or that, be ready to tell them with love, humility and guidance. You will reach more people this way, rather than a spirit of shame and manipulation. Even God doesn't try to to force His ways or methods on us. So before you run around giving people advice: try to ask yourself: is this working for me? Did they ask for this advice? and...will God be honored through what I am about to say? And before you are even in a position to lead, guide, and instruct others...get all the knowledge that you can on the subject. Read, learn, grow. Whether you are 18 or 80, you can always learn how to do things better than you do them.

So, if you find that people avoid your calls, never seem to want to be around you, and generally dont respond positively to your 'wisdom'..maybe it's not that they are 'haters'...sorry to tell you: maybe YOU are a porcupine!!  Moral  of this story?  Learn when to speak..and when to just be silent and listen!!

I say this in L-O-V-E!! ;)

Change your MIND!!

You seek too much information and not enough transformation."
-- Sai Baba. 

Have you noticed that when some people get ready to move out of the 'hood', they are initially excited about starting over and moving into a new nicer neighborhood, but soon after moving, they start to be overwhelmed with the upkeep, start to leave trash on the lawn, bring problem and issues, and their new home soon becomes like the ghetto they left? Its because they left the ghetto, but didn't leave the ghetto 'mentality' behind.

So many of us are worried about learning how to get to the 'next level' without growing as a person. Get rid of your inner garbage, otherwise when you get to the next level, you will CONTAMINATE IT with your old mindset~! You have to change from the inside out, otherwise when you get to where you are trying to go, you will lose it quickly. The caterpillar sees change as the end of the world: The Butterfly sees it as a new Beginning!! Which one are you?

Listen closely: 

God wont give you the house when you cant take care of the apartment, the Mercedes when you cant keep the Volkswagon clean, the millions when you dont even help others with the thousands...you have to start doing the right thing with what you have RIGHT NOW, in order for him to take you to the next level!! ~And it all starts with changing your way of thinking!! Clean out the old vessel so that God can fill you up with clean waters...overflowing!! Yes, you may have to LET GO of past friendships, relationships, attachments, and traditions....but that's what needs to happen to bring you to your place of purpose! God even caused the Israelites to wander in the wilderness for 40 years in order to wait until the old generation died, because they were to stubborn to change. And here you are, holding onto those people, places and things that God is trying to remove from your life!! ~Or are you too hard-headed to even see what God is trying to do?

“Remember not the former things,
nor consider the things of old.
 Behold, I am doing a new thing;
now it springs forth.... do you not perceive it?--Isaiah 43:18-19

 Remember~: thoughts become words become actions become habits become destiny!!

Change your thoughts...change your life!

"Let's take the Bus!"

"Lots of people want to ride the limo with you: but what need us someone who is willing to take the bus with you when the limo breaks down."-Oprah. 

 

 

For ten years we were making hundreds of thousands a year. We took in people, ministered..gave away cars, clothing, helped people get into houses. Whenever we had a business idea, we got friends and family involved (although most times it bit us in the end) and after all that...when our business went south in the economic crash, we had a hard time getting return phone calls! WOW..

It really is interesting how people disappear when you are 'down'...the good thing about going through trials: you learn who your TRUE loved ones are!!!When we were UP, everyone wanted to be up with us...and when we come up on hard times, you cant REACH these same people who 'vowed' to be there for us always. But there are a select few that have come out of the wood works with love, encouragement, and a helping hand. 

One thing it all taught us was to depend solely on God. He is the one who has been sustaining us, and we are going through this 'Wilderness' for a season: to teach s something..and boy, are we learning!! It amazes me who God used to give us comfort and assistance. To them, I will be forever grateful. They know who they are.~ ;) #blessings..these people have shown that not only are they willing to 'take the bus' with us...but they would WALK with us if needed!! Rest assured, when God blesses us again...they will be the first we call to sow into!! ;)

WHERE's MY KEY?

When I was 6 years old, my mother got a full time job at Xerox. it was a high profile sales position, which great for her, at 24 years old. she had recently purchased her first home- a nice four bedroom home in Riverside, in a cul-de-sac. we were the first blacks on the block, and like the jeffersons, mom's was moving on up. My dad, his new girlfriend, and thier two year old son lived still in the L.A. area somethere, so I didnt see him as much.

Mom was a very beautiful, popular woman, with an active social life. She went on vacations, spent money on nice homes, was alwasy tanned and in shape. I have a large bag filled with her 'Wish You Were Here' letters from Hawaii, and various exotic places. I longed to go with her, and felt that since she only had one child, I should go. her answer: "You go on vacation to get AWAY from your kids, silly!'

To this day, we never traveled together.

Her job became pretty demanding, so did her social life, and mom bought a key that I could use to get in the house after school. The agreement became this:

1. Get up in the morning,

2. Get myself ready for school.

3. Go to school (either walk or get a ride with the neighbor-but she would always show me the route by car)

4. Walk home

(...She left money on the coffee table for McDonalds.)

5. Ride my bike to McDonalds -off the main street

6. Come home, eat

7. Do homeowork

8. Watch TV

9. Read

10. Go to bed (and hopefully see mom before bed)

If she stayed out too late, I would call my dad sometimes and tell him I was afraid, and he would call around looking for her. I remember those nights vividly, because it was really dark, and there were some commercials that just freak little kid out. He would always calm me down and tell me that if she didnt show up soon, he would come and get me. We didnt have cell phones back then, so you just had to wait..and worry.

(This is us when I was turning 6)

I also had severe asthma as well.  I remember the fear I felt not being able to breathe properly. I couldn't sit up, my chest hurt. Couldn't lay down, because I couldnt breathe at all. I would just gasp all night long, and go in and out of sleep. I remember wishing my mom would come in the room and stroke my back or my hair, and say SOMETHING to soothe the pain.  But I dont ever remember her doing it, except one time when I asked. And she did it for maybe five minutes. Affection wasn't her thing. Nor was taking care of a needy little kid.

Sometimes, I would have to go to school this way, and it would get so bad, that a police car would pick me up from school and take me to the hospital. After the nurses went home, sometimes they would take me home, because they couldnt reach mom, either.

I even remember sleeping at a nurses home, where mom came to collect me about 12-1 am.
Its a wonder that no DFCS was called. I guess back then latchkey kids were a normal occurrence.

But even as bad as that seemed: my worst experiences came when I would lose my KEY. Normally, this key would hang around my neck by a string. Some days, however, (being 6 years old) I forgot it at home. I would sit outside in panic. If the neighbors were home, I would ask the father to help me break in. He would boost me through a window, and into a bathroom.

(Suprisingly, they didnt tell me to stay over until my mom got home)

Those moments were always gut-wrenching for me, because if the neighbor wasnt home, I would sit on the porch, and wait and wait. The key became my security. I looked for it, I held it, I depended on it, to get me home to safety.

Later, God became my KEY. My key to security, shelter, and comfort, and I learned to depend on Him the way I did the little key around my neck.
If you have been neglected, abused, or had any other traumas in your childhood: know that the KEY is there for you, and God wants to give you peace and restoration. he wants to be the parent and friend you didnt have, and be the comfort and security that you desperately need.  

Looking back; I am surprised I wasn't  kidnapped.  I did alot of walking, and spent alot of time alone. But God has His hands on me, and nothing serious happened. I thank Him for that.

On a positive: During my isolation, I learned to invent stories, games, and characters in my head.This set the foundation for my writings, stories, and imagination. This is where I see that God used this experience to shape who I would eventually be. So through our trying times, we have to learn to see what God was doing in and through us. I would not be the person I am without the mind I developed during my isolation. My mom brought home free typewriters from Xerox and that was my favorite pleasure. I would write, write write. it became my passion, my therapy.
By 9 years old, a writer was born...

LITTLE GIRL LONELY

Little girl lonely

I see you now…

face pressed against the windowpane

waiting on a father who never keeps promises

or a mother who parties the nights away

a key on a string hangs limply around your neck

always waiting…and waiting

and waiting some more

for a happy moment to come your way

a friend to walk through the door…

Little girl lonely

I feel your pain…

always alone, whether sunshine or rain

eats, sleeps, and plays alone

with only the comfort of a book she makes

she pretends to have love, life, friends, and family

as through the pages there within she looks

she doesn’t realize that this happiness found

only exists in the pages of books

Little girl lonely

I know it hurts …

the tears flow warm, fast, and moist

wetting her pretty face each day,

and there’s no one to see them

or wipe them away

Who will take away this empty space?

who will fill her heart with love, she wonders?

And, sadly, the answer remains the same

No One will ever suddenly appear…

that hole in her heart will remain.

Little Girl Lonely

I wish I could hug you…

and squeeze with all my might

kiss your face, wipe your tears away

read you a story each night

I’d tell you that you are the most beautiful girl

and that one day things will be perfect

that life will be grand

your heart will never ache

you will grow up getting the love you deserve

I’d tell you that you’ll be surrounded by those

who’ll be honest and always show that they care

respect you, and  love you until your heart skips a beat

But I cant lie, I cant lie…I don’t dare

you’ve been lied to enough by the ones that you trusted

so I tearfully watch you without a word

and I hurt inside for the bitter, broken woman that you will be

and the hurt and pain you will inevitably endure

The Little Girl lonely becomes Woman Lost

never to be truly loved and free

and how do I know this? You may ask

Because Little Girl Lonely…was me.

Do you need a REVIVAL?!?

Sometimes as believers we get drained and weak because we lose touch with God. We busy ourselves with people, situations, and circumstances that cause us to forget that we need a daily 'recharge' in word, fellowship, and prayer. Some of us even stop altogether. But the Great Physician can restore all us if we ask him to...and put the ...focus back on HIM! These two paddles stand for 'faith' and 'the word'... Allow Him to 'revive' your heart back to life in Him!

But remember...before he touches you with these, he yells "Clear!" Which means clearing all the people out of your life that get in the way!! If God is moving people out of your life, and you find yourself suddenly standing alone, dont question it, or be mad angry and botter with those who have left you...just know that he is about to 'revive' you~ and he needs you to be free of drainers, backbiters, porcupines, and haters that will only weaken you again! ~It's time to WAKE UP!!  **CLEAR**