Admittedly...Sometimes it irritates me.
I had a single mother...I didnt see any married women as a child. And honestly, growing up and watching her and her many single girlfriends; it is my opinion that she was single because 1) she left my dad at the alter 2) she made horrible choices with men-usually drawn to unavailable or violent men, and 3) she wanted to party and not be tied down.
...should I celebrate this?
Yes, it was harder for her. But only because she CHOSE that path.
*ouch*
Yes, Granted. there are single moms out there who may chose the best partner ever, and he may have died or left them abandoned, but that is rarely the case, Its more the exception. More often than not, a woman ends up becoming a single mother because she is attracted to a man by lust, wants a 'bad boy" type, or is with someone she thinks she can force to be with her, or because she gets pregnant doing things with someone that she KNEW shouldnt have been even dating, and hopes she can change.
Neither of those things ever work to her advantage...most backfire on her, and she is left holding the bag...and the baby.
Then she oftentimes runs around hollering about how all men are dogs, and untrustworthy, and in reality, the ones that she chose to trust and give herself to were the worst of the worst. Think about it: When you MET him, he lived with his parents, was disrespectful, couldnt keep a job, hated education, had a prison record, had two or three babies mommas, and slept with you the first night you met him...
Oh, But he had good hair.
Superficial reasons drew you to him. And when he became his TRUE SELF you were suprised. The same person "momma and them" said wasnt right for you, but you didn't want to listen. The same person your friends warned you about. And now two kids and thousands in debt later, he is off having a baby with someone else, and you are bitter, and out buying your "Single-Mom's empowerment album" and matching t-shirt.
Let's just get real. I am a married mom, and dont have any songs dedicated to me...but for the past 20 years, I have had to support not only a family, but a man too. I have to encourage him, and be there for him, through thick and thin: regardless of his, or my crazy mistakes. I have to find ways to compromise, and work in agreement. I have to work diligently to make it work, when we have such different personalities. I have to always consider myself as part of a team. That's hard. And honestly, in the end, alot of times in marriage, HE gets the credit when things are going well and you are living the American Dream.
A wife rarely get the accolades, because people assumed you had 'help'. They assume you just sat back and got 'taken care of'....Ate bon-bons and watched soap operas continuously. Now, I do enjoy One Life to Live...But it is largely overlooked that as a wife you are the backbone of a success story..you motivated, encouraged, devised plans and strategies to ensure the group success. You stayed up long hours writing HIS plans, and creating HIS vision and dreams before your own. you sacrificed your wants and needs for the betterment of the unit as a whole, for the end result, breaking Generational curses. You prayed over him and your children, and endured the humiliation of hearing "Oh, she's just a mom." You attended all the PTA meetings, and volunteered to read to the class, and were there when the kids got home with their tales of how 'awful' school was that day.
In athletic sports, when there is a winning team, the coach gets credit...doesn't he?
I wasn't in the clubs, or on vacation laying up in a different mans arms from year to year, while my kids had to figure out how to make their own way. Would I have liked to experience the world, other men... freedom? YES! But I had to lay down my SELF in order to plant better seeds than the Generations before me. And the result is kids who love God, respect family, and are looking at Marriage for themselves. And because we are so rarely acknowledged, many women don't see the benefit and reward in staying in Marriages. The benefits are not immediate and as gratifying in the short-term. And now we are becoming a rare breed.
And why arent there any banners and t-shirts for us? ~Married Mothers? Well, Im going to make my own line of t-shirts.
"Proverbs 31 Woman: Not an Independent Woman, but a Woman you could Depend on."
...how does that sound?
Here's a little poem I wrote, called
"Where is She?"
What has become of the Proverbs Woman?
The wife, the mother?
The helper, the keeper?
The backbone of families?
Oh, how we still need her!
Where are the women
Who mended, and tended
Who cooked, and baked daily
(the food never ended)
Brought family together
For packed Sunday dinners
With aunts, sisters, and cousins
Around to assist her
She fed us until our bellies ached
With homemade cookies
And pies and cakes
Bring back Betty Crocker
(oh, man how we ate)
could make a SPAM taste just like sirloin steak!
Where is she now?
Where's the Original Superwoman?
Where's she gone? We need to know
She used to make our house a home
She could budget her pennies
Keep us all in style
Make a dollar last a month
And stretch a mile
And we never even knew about her trials
'Cuz she hid her tears behind her smiles
And during the day
Whether sun or rain
She sent us to go outside and PLAY
(and we'd obey, without delay)
Where are these real ladies hiding today?
Are they gone away?
Where have the Virtuous women gone?
They demanded respect of every one
Didn't sleep till all the work was done
And her husband was proud to call her The One
And when we cried,
She dried our eyes
She bandaged cut knees and scraped up thighs.
Where is she now?
This woman today?
With just ONE LOOK
We knew our place.
She walked in beauty, style and grace
Even with no make up on her face.
She fed the hungry
Helped the sick
If you cross her, though, go and get the switch!
Where has she gone? We need her home!
Without her, we feel so alone.
Where are the true mothers?
The ones who's arms
Could protect us from danger,
and keep us from harm?
She helped us with homework,
Defended our fights,
When things were all wrong
She helped make it right.
Where is she now?
When the men were away
She kept families together
On her knees she would pray
(Whenever, wherever)
And when things would get tough
She would sing songs of praise
To the Good Lord above
And her warm smile would help us
To get through the bad days.
And her hugs and her kisses
Healed like sun's shining rays
Why is she missing in this day and age?
And what happened to Grandmas we used to know?
They knew when to love, to hug, and to scold
They carried wisdom of generations of old
When they talked, we listened
Knowledge worth more than gold
But today all our grandmas
Are 30 years old
Where's a REAL woman at?
She's so needed, we say!
In these times of 'little girls'
Playing dress up today
They pretend to be women
But can't handle the stress
They don't cook, they don't clean,
And their lives are a mess
They cave in and quit
When the going gets tough
When they have a good man
They say "he's not enough"
They search for the 'bling'
They desire a 'thug'
They toss aside good guys
Yet they wonder, "Where's love?"
Their houses are dirty
Their kids running wild
And you'll find them
In the club- minidress, weave, and smile
"Droppin it like it's hot"
While their kids feel the burn
Bringing home every man who desires a turn
Thinking always tonight that she's found a real 'winner'
While her kids eat cereal, and T.V. Dinner
For her KIDS... B.E.T is Mommy and Dad
They are looking for love, so they follow a fad
They eat fast food, and never a homemade pie,
They play on the WEB instead of outside
They take Ritalin, and anti-depressants to cope
And when they are lonely, they drink and they smoke
No one brings them to church, no one prays for their souls,
They experiment with danger, and lust takes control
We can't be surprised when they kill and they die
In a world where a granny is just 35.
So, where are the real women?
The strong, and proud Queens
Will you come out of hiding
Show them all who you be
Your husbands and children need you to see
That you are the lifeline- the root of the tree
When will you open your eyes and see
That you are the pillar of the community?
Without you we crumble, we stumble as blind
The darkness takes over while you run and hide
A good woman is like rubies,
As rare as a pearl
Has she now been replaced by the VIDEO GIRL?
MW
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