Giving Yourself the Gift of "NO"!

Learning When to Walk Away

By Myckelle Williams

10/28/2013

As we begin to create our fall schedules, a few of us are surprised in realizing just how many activities that we have piled on our plate. Many times we really have good intentions when we take on these extra activities, and want to be nice, helpful, ‘good Christians’, but we find ourselves burdened with more responsibilities than we are able to handle, which results in getting burned out and overwhelmed in the process. God does not call us to commit to everything, nor help everyone out there. He says that there is a time for everything, (Eccl. 3:1-8) and that we should also most importantly use wisdom in making decisions. (Pro. 4:7)

In Matthew 11: 28, Jesus says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” So if you are constantly stressed, and feel no rest and no peace in your daily life and activities, then somewhere you are out of line with your priorities in the Body of Christ.

If Jesus came to your home tonight for only one hour, what would he see? A life of chaos and commotion, or a peaceful place in which he feels welcome? How would you want to spend that hour with him? Running around handling business, on the computer or phone, or focused on sitting at his feet, learning, absorbing, loving on Him, and questioning Him about all the issues of life? It’s time to starts scheduling your life as if Jesus is already the center attraction and living as if he indeed the main priority.

The best gift that we can give to ourselves and others is the gift of NO. Learning when not to do something, even if its ministry or helping someone out. Learning to set boundaries and limits, turn down requests, and listening to God’s voice on whether or not to even undertake a project in the first place will save us a lot of stress in the long run. It’s better to do one thing at 100%, than give five things 25%, because you are not doing anyone any favors running on an empty tank of gas! Then when you get burnt out and overwhelmed, you end up not getting anything accomplished at all.

It is not God’s Will that we become another man’s SOURCE. If someone is coming to you for every problem and constantly need help (and despite what advice and assistance you always give them, they seem to always end up in the same predicament), then that is a sign that you are their source rather than God. It is not our job to take the place of God in anyone’s life, nor to get in God’s way when he is dealing with someone who may be in rebellion. This is why it is so important to seek Him first, before you make any important decisions when dealing with others.

Before you start a new project ask yourself the following 5 questions:

Close-eyed Christianity: Where Do We Draw the Line?

*A simple warning: this article isn’t going to be ‘fun’ to read. If you are one of those Christians who only wants to hear positivity and encouragement, and never want to be challenged where your flesh is concerned, then you may want to skip to another blog piece...Perhaps Joel Osteen has some light, pleasant motivation for today on his blog. This piece, however, isn’t going to raise those “feel good” mushy Christian feelings that will leave us excited and inspired. Rather, this article may bruise some egos and bristle some feathers, and some may even feel defensive and angry, and not even finish reading… but in my spirit, I felt led to write it anyway, and some things here just need to be said…and if you decide to continue anyway, fasten your seatbelt and hold tight to your wigs!

BROKEN PROMISES

Matt 26: 31-35

“Then Jesus told them, “This very night you will all fall away on account of me, for it is written:

   “‘I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock will be scattered.’  But after I have risen, I will go ahead of you into Galilee.”

  Peter replied, “Even if all fall away on account of you, I never will.”

 “Truly I tell you,” Jesus answered, “this very night, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.”

  But Peter declared, “Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you.” And all the other disciples said the same.

Why is it that sometimes we are so ‘assured’ of our own Goodness?  We are positive, and swear up and down that there are some things we will just NEVER do.  We have the upmost confidence in ourselves as a person, a Christian, a citizen. We make promises that we will always be faithful and true.  We claim to love and believe in God, and profess to be ‘Super-Christians’ who do no wrong.  We maintain that confidence…until circumstances overwhelm us…and then we do the very thing that we always promised us we would NEVER do!

Heart2Heart: The Kisses of an Enemy are Deceitful....

"Faithful are the wounds of a friend,
But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful."

-Proverbs 27:6

What is a "Friend"?

Many of us have our own interpretation on what a friend represents, but what is it to you? Is it someone you can tell your secrets to? The co-worker that you see daily and talk over lunch? A friend from school that you share classes with? A loving boy/girlfriend who whispers sweet words in your ear? A buddy that you go out drinking with on Friday nights? What happens when the intimate bond between you is suddenly broken...or worse yet: betrayal occurs?

There have been tons of people over my lifetime who have claimed to 'love' me, and be my true friend. They have pledged allegiance to me and my family, and told me that they 'had my back' through anything.  Unfortunately, what I noticed is that many of these people were quick to turn on me when either I didn't let them have something they wanted, or disagreed with them in any way.
Before that point, I am the most wonderful person ever. But in times of conflict, when I upset
these 'friends'...Oh Boy, I experienced true wrath! Suddenly, to anyone who will listen, I am fake, a hypocrite, a bi**h, a non-Christian, and 'think I'm perfect' and 'know everything'.

I have thus discovered a startling revelation: The true test of friendship lies in experiences of adversity, and conflict.

Where Is She?

WHERE IS SHE?

 

A Poem By Myckelle W.

 

 

 

What has become of the Proverbs Woman?

The wife, the mother?

The helper, the keeper?

The backbone of families?

Oh, how we still need her!

 

Where are the women

Who mended, and tended

Who cooked, and baked daily

(the food never ended)

"Spring"-ing Forward!!

I am truly excited about several things that God is doing in my life:

1) My new book that I released this week, "Choosing the Road Less Traveled," which chronicles my journey towards Grace and redemption in the midst of trials and an unplanned pregnancy
2) I was admitted to three Universities, and have a few choices to make about the direction that we will be going this summer. I'm still seeking God on that one.
3) The new BLOGTalk Live! Talk show which has caused me to connect with some powerful women in an open format, and blessing me so much with the relationships that are being formed.

and 4) The Heartwood Project is finally DONE! Which, if you read my previous posts, is a 16 hour life empowerment workshop that is followed up with a 40 day journal that will change generations~!

Do you Really Want to Get Well?

John 5:5-9:

One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?”
“Sir,” the invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.”
Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked.

 

..This man had been ill a long time, over 38 years. Jesus came along and didn’t ask him ‘Awwww…What happened?” nor listen to his story of hardship. Instead, Jesus immediately asked him, “Do you WANT to become well?”

Why did Jesus ask that question? Wouldn’t that be obvious? Well, not really, when you think about it. Because many of us say that we want to become well, we ask others to ‘pray for us” and we have a long story of issues/problems that we feel come against us. But when others ask us to go to church, or give us steps to take to get out of the situations that we are in, we make every excuse that we can…’Well my car won’t work’, ‘I’m too tired to get up and pray.’ ‘I can’t afford to go where God said.’ Etc. The man in the story gave an excuse first thing:  I can’t get down the steps, and when I try…others get in my way.”  Jesus didn’t listen to the excuse, instead He simply asked: “Do you really WANT to get well?”

It's HERE!!~My First Book ;)*

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”~ Jeremiah 29:11

When God creates us, he has a Vision in mind. As Jeremiah 29:11 states, he has PLANS for us. He sees in us what we fail to see in ourselves. He sees what we are going to be, not what we are. And everything He does during our upbringing is for the purpose of growing us into what we are meant to be. The end result is what God sees from the time he placed us in our mother’s womb. And all of the talents, gifts and abilities that he placed in us are there to help accomplish the Purpose that He has for our lives. Eventually, it is intended to prosper us, give us hope, and a future!

This book is my own unique journey of a road less traveled—but perhaps, one that is not so uncommon as I at one time believed. I share how I survived a teenage pregnancy, and overcame generational dysfunction, to raise a more stable next generation.

What Prevents You from Reaching Your ‘Promised Land”?

 

Many of you have all at one time had high aspirations, and dreams of becoming a ‘successful’ person in life. You take classes, attend seminars and read countless ‘self help’ books that tell you how to ‘get rich quick’, create a business that will earn 6 figures in a matter of months. You search desperately for a great partner, and find yourselves drawn into the same types of toxic relationships, dealing with the same issues and drama in each new relationship.  You try to find creative ways to get out of debt, and can’t seem to get rise above a certain income level no matter how hard you work. You soon become tired of being in the same place year after year, with seemingly no way out of what seems like a ‘dead end’ life. You wonder why you seem to be wandering in circles, seemingly on an endless quest to have a prosperous future, but it always seems to elude you…frustratingly always just right beyond your grasp.

Moving Forward…and Leaving Condemnation Behind

"I don't know if I continue, even today, always liking myself. But what I learned to do many years ago was to forgive myself. It is very important for every human being to forgive herself or himself because if you live, you will make mistakes- it is inevitable. But once you do and you see the mistake, then you forgive yourself and say, 'Well, if I'd known better I'd have done better,' that's all."-Maya Angelou

The definition of Sin is “Missing the Mark.” Whether intentional or unintentional, sin in our lives separates us from God and makes it difficult to obtain (blocks) the full blessings that He has waiting for us. The bible consistently mentions the importance of scrutinizing and examining our own (not everyone else’s) conduct and works, and checking for any areas that may not be under subjection to the spirit. In today’s times, sin seems to be a dirty word, but realistically, if we want to be healed, we are to recognize it exists, and constantly evaluate whether or not we have sinful behavior lingering in our lives…areas that we are missing God’s mark in.

After the Storm...

"I planted, Apollos watered, but God [all the while] was making it grow and [He] gave the increase."~ 1 Corinthians 3: 6

When seeds are planted, they first need to be watered, and then the planted must wait during several seasons, giving the young seedling a chance to take root, and grow. Usually a harsh winter precedes spring, and once the snow has melted, the young sprouts make their way through the dirt. Although sometimes we withstand storms in our own life, eventually the result will be fruit that is born to impact the next generation...if we allow it to.

Two years ago, our business failed, we lost our home in a fire, had our cars repossessed, and got stranded in a foreign land (Memphis, Tennessee) with no help from anyone, having been taken advantage of by a family member, who was also a pastor...

New Years Resolution: A Revival~!

Flashback: This year has truly been eye opening! A year of both triumphs, heartache, joys and pain. A few of the highs: We were blessed with our second grandchild, and reminded that we are creating a legacy and the daily things that we do are making an impact for the next generation. BLOG Magazine closed out its first year with an awesome team of beautiful women that have learned how to respect and love one another despite our differences, and I successfully completed another semester of college towards my degree. On the other side; we were also challenged in the area of our marriage, one of our children straying and going wayward, and endured deceitful attacks through extended family. The enemy knows the power we have as a family, and again sought through our challenges to 'divide and conquer'...one of the oldest tricks in the book.

Announcement: We were again not moved! When the enemy attacks us, we simply dig our heels in and discover New Ways to use the experience to minister to others. With every obstacle in life, you can either cave in, cry and whine "why me' or you can counterattack the enemy and use the experience as a lesson learned, grow with it, and make it into a testimony to share with others going through something similar!!

HAPPY LEAP YEAR 2012!!

Leap (lep)v.

 1) An abrupt or precipitous passage, shift, or transition

2) to come into prominence rapidly

3) a change from one place or state or subject or stage to another

As I prepare to launch B.L.O.G. Magazine tonight at midnight, I realize that this is a LEAP year! And like the definition states, I’m feeling an abrupt shift, a rapid transition, a change in state and place that is occurring this very day. Not only because it’s a year different than other years in that there is an extra day thrown in for the purpose of keeping the Calendar consistent, but this Leap year has special meaning for me. The past four years (since the economic crash of 2007-2008) have brought discomfort, pain and grief into my life on so many levels. We lost businesses, homes, cars, and family members lost their health and fell away.  Although still involved in ministry, I inwardly felt as though God had abandoned me. I thought things were looking up and we had an opportunity to do great things and move to Tennessee, that plan fell through and we were left even worse off than before. It seems that like the Israelites, we were doomed to wander in the Wilderness. 

In God we Trust?...

"I pledge allegiance, to the flag, of the United States of America. 

and to the republic, for which it stands...One Nation, Under GOD, 

Indivisible...with Liberty and Justice for all."~ Francis Bellamy, 1892

We teach every child these words: but do we live by them? 
In America, it seems that we no longer desire to Stand as One nation...under God. 
Over the past 50 years, we have made a conscious decision to slowly turn away from God. We forcibly and systematically have fought to push God out of school, government, courts, politics, etc., in the name of 'Separation of Church and State.' We have even considered no longer calling America a 'Christian Nation,' recommended removing 'In God we Trust' from dollar bills, and contemplated forming alliances with those who worship other gods..in the name of 'peace' (and oil/money). If we look throughout biblical history, we must know that embracing these behaviors eventually result in the destruction of the people who do it...Yet we still look for His blessings on this Nation! 


I do find it interesting, though, that when tragedies occur, we are surprised, and look to God as if He has abandoned/forsaken us. For example, after September 11th Trade Center Attacks, you couldn't FIND a seat in the church, and people who had never prayed before were rushing to thier knees. I also noticed that there were people who cursed God as thier loved ones perished, questioning Him, and asking him 'Where were you when  ----  died? All those innocent people who had to suffer. Where was GOD through this tragedy?"  

A New Thing....Pregnant!!

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."~ Jeremiah 29:11

SO...I finished all of my Summer college classes!! *CHEER*

I excelled in all four subjects and ended the semester with Straight 'A's~ 4.0 GPA Baby!! *Cabbage Patch*
*Running Man*  *Butterfly* ...(Yeah, Yeah I'm old school.. lol)

I have been on a slight high, and motivated to do more. What I recently decided was that I am going to go for my Masters and get a heavier load for fall...15 units instead of 12 so that I can finish more quickly. I am even shooting for Honors Classes so that I can get the best scholarships available. Shouldn't be hard with my GPA. *pops collar* suddenly, I am understanding what God means by "Hope for the Future". He desires us to overcome, excel and have faith that He will work it all out in the end. And He makes the plans, not us. He already knows what he has in mind for us the moment we enter this earth, and places within us the means to succeed in it.

SPRING Cleaning!!

This entire past month we took time to travel across country. We started in Statesboro, went to Atlanta, then to Wyoming, Denver, New Mexico, Las Vegas, then finally California.  It was so wonderful to spend the extra time with the kids and allow them to see the countryside. We got to visit old friends, and reconnect with family that we hadn’t seen in years.  We also just enjoyed Gods creation.  We went through the Rocky Mountains and marveled at the Waterfalls, we saw deserts, plains and valleys. We experienced rain, hail, and extreme heat, sometimes all in one day!  The experience showed us that God may eventually move us again, or require us to go outside of our ‘Comfort Zone’, but we are to be okay with that. We have discovered over this past year that we are more adaptable than we ever knew, and so are our children. As long as we are doing His work, it doesn’t matter if we are called to go to the North Pole. Our furniture and things have been in storage for a year, and now we are accustomed to living out of boxes and in small spaces.  We have prayed for a home, but he won’t let us get comfortable. He wants us to go out and touch the world and change lives.

Genesis 12:1-3

¹ The LORD had said to Abram, “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you.

 ² “I will make you into a great nation,
   and I will bless you;
I will make your name great,
   and you will be a blessing.^[a]
3 I will bless those who bless you,
   and whoever curses you I will curse;
and all peoples on earth
   will be blessed through you.”^[b]

 

Abraham was instructed to go away from the land that he lived in with his family, and find a new place to settle.  A place where God would bless him, and his family, and make his name great.  I can relate to the fear and anxiety of being called to a new environment, (maybe even one less favorable than the one he was already in), and having to uproot your life and family and step out on faith.  It’s the story of our lives.

Over the past year, our lives have changed dramatically. On a word from God, we went from a comfortable life in Atlanta, to a cramped, financially strapped existence in Tennessee. Our initial purpose was to come here and start a Youth Program, called LOL (Light of Life) Youth Empowerment Organization. Of course, that project had its complications due to greed and bad choice of partners.

Grace and Mercy...even for the 'Christian'!

                                                            John 8:1-11:  

 "Jesus went unto the mount of Olives. And early in the morning he came again into the temple, and all the people came unto him; and he sat down, and taught them. And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst, They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act. Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou? This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not. So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground. And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst.He straightens up again, and speaks to her. 'Where are your accusers?' he asks. 'Has no-one seen fit to condemn you?' She simply answers 'No-one, sir.' 'Then I do not condemn you either' says Jesus. 'Go on your way, and do not sin anymore.'"

This story always causes me to deeply reflect, and examine my heart when it comes to sin. It is a very well-known, familiar story, but whenever I read it, It still causes me to sit back and take a look at my own actions and realize that none of us are above judging ourselves. It is not just the story of some, but of all of us. I'm especially talking to fellow Christians. 

This week in one of our family bible studies, a young man proceeded to talk about adultery. He said that adultery was a sin on the top of God's list of hates. He claimed that it makes you unacceptable in the eyes of your spouse and God, and that it is hugely immoral. What he said seemed as if it made sense, and many of the listeners probably agreed with him, understandably. But I just felt there was something missing in His theory...at the time, I couldn't put my finger on it....and then later I realized...it was 'Grace' and 'Mercy'. 

Grace and Mercy are two different things. Grace is when you get something you don't deserve, like a unexpected blessing or gift. Mercy is when you don't get something that you do deserve, like a 'get out of jail free' card when you've done wrong. 

Both are God's attributes and given freely to those who seek Him.   

Little Miss Strawberry Shortcake...

'For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD,  "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' Jeremiah 29:11

When I was growing up, I would read huge books, write novels, and make up characters, and act them out. In the fourth grade, I was tested and determined to have a 12th grade reading level. I was placed in gifted classes, and went to Montessori school at one point. I would create board games from scratch, put together detailed ‘school plans’ and stay up for hours into the night, making fake school lessons. (replicating each page dozens of times, because I had no copier) Its pleased me to see people take something I had put together and learn something. I spent lots of time alone and to me it make no sense.  I loved to tell long stories, and hear long stories. People would get aggravated with my endless questions "and then what happened? And how did you LOOK while you said that to her? What was her response?" I loved to paint mental pictures. I spent alot of time alone in isolation, but it gave me time to develop my imagination. 

I constantly read books and among my favorite was Helen Keller, and usually other stories of people who had difficult upbringing and overcame the odds. I loved Strawberry Shortcake (I owned everything from her clothing to every toy that came out to the point where my Grandmother called me 'Strawberry Shortcake' sometimes), Pippi Longstocking, and Annie... all examples to me of independent children who lived on their own and were happy and thrived. Why was I drawn to these stories? Perhaps because in my own life I spent alot of time alone, raising myself, and was unknowingly soon to overcome great challenges. I used those stories to give me strength. How did I know I would eventually write scripts and teach drama, and work with girls and women in a teaching capacity, helping them to overcome their own temptations and challenges?. When I was younger, making my own plans, I said I wanted to be a Veterinarian, but God had other plans for me. I always said ‘Anything but a teacher!” Sometimes the last thing you think you want to do, is right where God places you!

Making Progress....through the Wilderness

       
Here is the completed Logo for my new Program, 'The Heartwood Project'. 
...Aint it beautiful?
What I love about it, is that it shows the heart of the tree, the roots, the branches and growth all at once. It's perfect! The entire program is designed to help others learn how to cut off the 'dead roots' of their past, re-generate new roots, and cultivate a healthy legacy for themselves and the next generation. The entire seminar will be done in a 'gardening' context, which will make it fun and interactive. At the same time, you will be required to 'dig up' some painful things that you will be able to finally overcome...for good, if you complete the entire course...which goes on for 40 days afterwards.

I can just about guarantee that it will be truly life-changing for those who attend! 

Mother's Day...for the True Mother 2's

In Memory of Patricia Lyle Smith: My 1st Substitute Mother...

On Mothers Day, I was truly grieved. Of course, I kept on the smiles, and pretended to be fine...but this is a blog, right? So...I have to write my inner feelings. Hopefully this will help someone else.

I just want to say that all Mothers dont deserve celebration just because they gave birth. I know this may sound rude and controversial...but there are some of us that grew up without hugs, kisses, affection, love, feelings of worth and acceptance....some of us who had mothers who were in the clubs and in the streets, and on drugs, and allowed all sorts of vile things to happen to thier children. Some of us who were not protected by the ones who were supposed to protect, or help by the arms designed to hold. Some who never looked out into the audience at a play or game and saw thier mother sitting there, proudly smiling and cheering them on.

...Some of us to whom Mother's Day has a whole nother meaning.